An anonymous Bitcoin holder of several years landed himself a girlfriend — and, per sources close to the situation, had no idea what to do next. The story opens the Bugleverse’s romance beat: the canon investigation of whether a Bitcoiner can hold anything that doesn’t have a block height.

The Bitcoiner reported being confused by “the female interface” and unsure which programming language she uses: “I thought I understood the blockchain, but this is a whole different ballgame.” His technical approach to courtship fared poorly — a BIP for Sexy Time was rejected before even receiving a number (“I thought it was a solid proposal, but apparently, she wasn’t interested”).

Friends painted a grim picture. One reported he “won’t shut the hell up about CVT and OP_VAULT.” Another recalled that when his girlfriend sent a “We need to talk” text, “this idiot replied with a picture of The Bitcoin Standard.”

The Bitcoiner remains optimistic and has sought counsel from “the smartest people I know, Udi, and this pretty girl named Erica Wall.” His stated goal: “learn a new set of skills, like how to talk to people without referencing Twitter memes.”

irl: “Udi” is Udi Wertheimer, Bitcoin Twitter’s resident troll; “this pretty girl named Erica Wall” is Eric Wall, a male crypto researcher — the Bitcoiner’s social illiteracy is the punchline. CTV (rendered “CVT” in the article, BIP 119) and OP_VAULT are real covenant proposals that dominated dev discourse in early 2023; The Bitcoin Standard is Saifedean Ammous’s book, the community’s default gift for every occasion.