Supermodel and recently divorced FTX spokeswoman Gisele Bundchen was spotted holding hands with Ethereum co-founder Vitalik Buterin at Dumpling Town, a trendy Chinese restaurant in New York City — “sparking rumors that Buterin was planning to Shanghai more than just the Ethereum chain.”

Sources close to Bundchen say she has been seeking a change in her “type” since her split from NFL star Tom Brady; Buterin, “with his lanky frame and fleeting hair,” reportedly caught her eye during her FTX spokeswoman days, before the meltdown cost her immense amounts of brand identity and personal wealth. “I’ve always been drawn to intelligent, unconventional men,” she told a source. “He’s not like anyone I’ve ever dated before, and that’s really…different… for me.”

Buterin seemed flattered, if confused. “It’s nice to work with something more functional than the Ethereum chain,” he joked, adding, “She even let me hug her yesterday after I sent her 5 ETH.” Brady partisans were aghast (“What is she thinking?”); others applauded her range, with one Twitter user citing the sweatpants photo: “oof, what is Vitalik hiding?” Buterin, for his part, called the novel attention “nice — it’s nice to be seen as more than just an unregistered securities dealer.”

irl: Gisele Bündchen really was an FTX brand ambassador and environmental advisor, reportedly lost heavily in its November 2022 collapse, and finalized her divorce from Tom Brady (another FTX pitchman) in October 2022. The “Shanghai” pun is Ethereum’s then-upcoming April 2023 Shanghai upgrade; the sweatpants photo is a real viral Buterin image; “unregistered securities dealer” nods to the SEC’s rumblings about ETH. The romance is invented.